Today I saw a Cardiologist here at UVA. I really don’t go to the dr. very often because after 8 years of living with Dysautonomia I’ve pretty much exhausted the different medications/treatments offered. Not to say that new ones don’t come along but when they do I usually hear about them through Dr. Grubb in Toledo. Sometimes it’s hard to go to the dr. and not get any helpful advice or any sympathy. I realize it’s not a dr’s job to give sympathy but I’ve gotten used to the bedside manner of Dr. Grubb who comes in the door with and warm hug and a “how are you doing?”…and he really wants to know. So when I see a dr. that doesn’t seem to “care” about anything except how fast my heart is beating I somehow feel let down.
Today was a good reminder that my hope is not in medicine, a new dr., or even health and energy. It’s in Christ. Even if I live the rest of my life fatigued and lightheaded, He will provide everything I need to live life unto Him.
Last week Keith was giving an overview of Genesis during our family gathering at church and mentioned that Israel’s time in captivity in Egypt was actually a place of “safety.” He was refering to how when Israel was held captive in Egypt they were actually protected from other nations and allowed to multiply and grow into a stronger nation in many ways. I’ve been thinking about this daily and about how sometimes our trials and hardships are actually God’s protection of our heart/soul. Who knows where I’d be Spiritually today if I hadn’t had to fight for joy and learn more about finding contentment in difficult circumstances. Sometimes when life is easy we let our guards down and just kind of “float.” I can become discouraged and discontent or I can look at the bigger picture and see how God has mercifully allowed me to struggle and in so doing has kept me following hard after Him. Some days I must confess I am myopic and loose sight of the bigger picture. God knows me better than I know myself and knows how to keep me from wandering. I pray I will remember this tomorrow…
” I will praise you, LORD, with all my heart;
before the “gods” I will sing your praise.
I will bow down toward your holy temple
and will praise your name
for your unfailing love and your faithfulness,
for you have so exalted your solemn decree
that it surpasses your fame.
When I called, you answered me;
you greatly emboldened me.
May all the kings of the earth praise you, LORD,
when they hear what you have decreed.
May they sing of the ways of the LORD,
for the glory of the LORD is great.
Though the LORD is exalted, he looks kindly on the lowly;
though lofty, he sees them from afar.
Though I walk in the midst of trouble,
you preserve my life.
You stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes;
with your right hand you save me.
The LORD will vindicate me;
your love, LORD, endures forever—
do not abandon the works of your hands.”