My 13th anniversary of sickness and being overwhelmed by my Savior’s grace

As September comes and goes each year I find myself reflecting on my life with chronic illness.  13 years ago, this month, my body experienced a drastic change.  The anniversary causes me to reflect on the trial I’ve been called to but mostly God’s goodness and grace to me in the pain and loss.  I’m reminded of the day when I tried to go for my usual run and my body told me I couldn’t (and haven’t since), of black outs that caused me to sit on the floor in the grocery store with my head down wondering if things would ever be the same, of fatigue so intense that moving my arms felt nearly impossible.  I’m reminded of how in those first months of marriage I went from a vibrant bride to a weak wife wondering what my purpose was.  I struggled, especially early on, wondering how I could ever serve the Lord with my life and He was quick to show me that I was bringing Him glory when I joyfully persevered and pressed into Him.  Even when my body didn’t allow me to get out of bed I had the opportunity to testify of His power in weakness and to bring Him glory with a heart of thankfulness (even though sadly there are plenty of times my heart battles for a posture of thanksgiving).  Truthfully the overarching memories are of the Lord’s constant care and provision.  Whether through a promise of truth from His word, my loving faithful husband, an understanding and praying friend, a Gospel rich song washing over me, a kind insightful Dr, my mom driving an hour to fold my mountains of laundry, or the Lord’s comforting presence, I am cared for and it’s humbling.  My shepherd isn’t going to let this weak sheep wander away or fall behind, even if He has to carry me.  I’m reminded of God’s kindness to me as He keeps my heart from bitterness and anger and promises to perfect the work He’s doing in me (Phil 1:6).  He is gracious.  There are many days when I think of the hopeless mess I’d be apart from Him.  His patience and gentleness in the midst of my questions and doubts is pure abounding grace and I praise Him for it.  I love how He grows my faith through those shaky times and makes me more aware that He is the rock I’m standing on.  Friends, He is GOOD.  So on this 13th anniversary, instead of mourning my losses I am declaring that He is gracious and powerful, a God of comfort who is quick to forgive and eager to speak if we will press into Him and allow Him to reign over us.

068_BrookRobinsonPhotography

005_BrookRobinsonPhotography

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “My 13th anniversary of sickness and being overwhelmed by my Savior’s grace

  1. This is beautiful, Lisa. Your perspective in the midst of suffering has been an encouragement to me over the years. Thank you for continuing to point us to Jesus. Thank you for helping us all to marvel at His grace and goodness!

  2. You are beautiful Lisa! Your perseverance often encouraged me through four very sick pregnancies and I thank God for the gift of knowing you!

  3. Lisa, I think the last time I really talked to you was right after you found out you were sick. I, too, have been struggling the last 13 years with a chronic illness and I can completely relate to your words. God keeps reminding me that in my weakness He is made strong and honestly if it all went away tomorrow I would miss experiencing His closeness and getting to see Him work the way He has in my life – and in my kids’ lives. Please remind me again what you were diagnosed with because I was finally diagnosed a year ago. 12 years of not knowing what was wrong and the relief of getting to put a name to it all is so good. I feel like I can now learn my new normal and move on. You have been on my mind all year and I have been praying for you when the Lord places you on my heart. I think we might actually have the same thing or something similar. I have a vague memory of you explaining it all to me when it was first happening. I actually have three things, which is why it took so long to figure it all out. I have Elhers-Danlos Hypermobility type, POTS, and a mast cell disorder. I’m just wondering if we could be an encouragement to one another. …I have also had to sit down on the checkout counter at Home Depot and call my husband to come get me while everyone wanted to know if I was ok. I’ve even had someone call the EMT crew and make a big fuss over me because I was so weak from my BP dropping. I can truly relate to the grocery store sitting on the floor incident(s):) I’m thankful we had a short season in each other’s lives! Hope to hear from you soon.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s