I’ve been spending time reflecting on the past 9 years. They’ve been 9 years of weakness and blessing. 9 years of trials and hope. It’s been good because when I do this I can’t help but be overcome with the ways God has worked and has shown mercy.
I am reminded of the different seasons the Lord has brought me through and of the first Spiritual battle I faced just months into my illness. I wrestled through plenty of lies from the evil one and finally realized/believed that I was just as beautiful and meaningful in the eyes of Christ as I was when I was working and healthy. When you sleep a good portion of the day, can’t read, are too tired to leave the house, and don’t seem to accomplish anything of earthly value it’s easy to find yourself in despair or gloom. The Lord graciously reminded me that I didn’t have to do anything to bring him glory. Jesus paid for my sins on the cross and that made me glorious. He showed me how I could bring Him glory with my attitude and this was huge for me! I thought of this daily as I lived a life that in the world’s perspective had nothing to offer but in the real world, the Eternal realm, had an amazing amount of potential, glory potential, as I like to think of it.
Now, 9 years later, not a lot has changed, although I should add that by God’s grace I can often read (oh yeah!!). I haven’t “worked” another day or found an answer to my battle with fatigue. I often find myself wondering what others think of me. I often have to say “no” to invitations to do things I would love to do but no longer can or cancel on people because my body just isn’t cooperating. Thankfully, I’m leaning on the same God who reminds me that my identity will always lie in Him and because of His Son I will spend eternity with Him where I won’t know weakness and will never stop worshiping and glorifying, now that’s some serious glory potential.