“at the works of your hands I sing for joy”
Wow! I can’t even express in words the continual joys and trials I (I really need to say we) have faced over the past 11 weeks since our sweet Lillian arrived. This season has been one of the hardest, most sanctifying and yet greatest of my life. I praise the Lord for His faithfulness. His power has been evident every minute of every day. He showed His faithfulness to me through His word, a loving family, His church and the loving, caring spouse He has graciously blessed me with. (Thank you Keith for all of your encouragement and for helping me to fight the good fight even when I felt like I couldn’t) During late nights while feeling overwhelmed by the darkness I was reminded that darkness is as light with God and I was comforted. All around I feel blessed and really just amazed by God’s grace as I wouldn’t have made it without it!
Psalm 139:11-12 “If I say, ‘Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,’ even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you.”
Psalm 92:1-4 “It is good to give thanks to the Lord, to sing praises to your name, O Most High; to declare your steadfast love in the morning, and your faithfulness by night, to the music of the lute and the harp, to the melody of the lyre. For you, O Lord, have made me glad by your work; at the works of your hands I sing for joy.”
Praise God from Whom All Blessings Flow
Keith and I are overjoyed to annouce that our little blessing arrived safely on April 24th at 7:13 pm. We’ve named her Lillian Marie and she was 6 pd’s 10 oz. and 19 3/4 ” long. My dr. suggested that we induce because I was so close to going into labor at my appointment on the 24th and she felt like having me go into labor in a controlled environment would be best. It turned out to be a huge blessing because instead of going home and laboring that day (with Lillian in distress and us not knowing it) we were able to find out that Lillian wasn’t responding well to contractions (her heartrate kept dropping really low) so I ended up having a C Section. I wasn’t ever induced because they thought she would continue to respond poorly. We have been humbled and overwhelmed by the Lord’s grace and mercy as Lillian arrived safely and in good health.
We praise you Lord for our little blessing and look forward to the days ahead!
Living in dependence upon Him – A blessed place
Often times in this life the Lord uses difficult situations and trials to keep us dependent on Himself. In my own life my battle with chronic illness has kept me depending on Him for strength and grace for each day. I was reminded of the ways the Lord uses this for His glory as I read a section in the contentment book this week.
“Perhaps God see’s it better for you to live in a continual dependence on Him, and not to know what your condition will be on the morrow, than for you to have a more settled condition in terms of the comforts of the creature. Do but remember what we spoke of before, that Christ does not teach you to pray, ‘Lord give me enough to serve me for two or three years,’ but ‘This day our daily bread.’ This is to teach us that we must live upon God in a dependent condition every day for daily bread.”
Burrough’s then uses Israel as an example of those in a dependent, yet blessed, condition as the Lord chose to settle them in the land of Canaan (in contrast to Egypt) where they would be completely reliant on God for water. He writes “the land of Canaan depended on God for the watering of it with showers from Heaven, but Egypt had a constant way of watering the country, that did not so much depend on Heaven for water, but upon the river Nile, which at some certain time overflowed the country. Knowing that the watering of there country depended upon the river and not upon Heaven, they grew more proud.” Canaan never knew for sure when they would have water and lived in dependence upon God for there lives.
Why does God view this state of dependence as a better state? Because His people are to live by faith and to rely on Him for everything. When we live in dependence upon God our souls are actually in a better place than when we rely on ourselves. Sometimes it’s hard to see times of weakness and trial as “blessed states” but when we truly evaluate our souls we will find this to be true. What trial is keeping you dependent, yet blessed?
Psalm 25:8-9 “Good and upright is the LORD; therefore he instructs sinners in his ways. He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way.”
Psalm 147:6 “The LORD sustains the humble but casts the wicked to the ground.”
“the incomparable riches of his grace”
As my due date approaches I’m having to daily (more like hourly) lay my anxieties at the feet of my Savior. Along with the joy and excitement that pregnancy has brought, I am constantly tempted to lose perspective and let fear and anxiety take over. This battle has been humbling and has left me feeling weary at times. I’m finding comfort in my Savior as I remember that the same God who is patiently bearing with me as I sin and lose perspective is the same God that patiently endured the sins of the world on the cross. His mercy and patience are unfathomable and I praise Him for this!
“When Satan tempts me to despair
And tells me of the guilt within
Upward I look and see Him there
Who made an end of all my sin
Because the sinless Savior died
My sinful soul is counted free
For God the Just is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me”
(From: Before the Throne of God above – Charity L. Bancroft – 1863)
Ephesians 2:4-7 “But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus.”
What Wondrous Love Is This?
While singing the hymn “What Wondrous Love Is This” in church yesterday I was extremely moved by the truth of the Gospel. The words “When I was sinking down beneath God’s righteous frown, Christ laid aside His crown for my soul” seemed to pierce my heart in a new way.
In my sin I was “sinking down” to a place of eternal destruction and God, in His great mercy, reached into my life and saved me! Sadly I can easily go through my day without this reality in the forefront of my mind.
Thank you Lord for your grace and mercy that brings sinners such as I to repentance and new life in you!
“What wondrous love is this, O my soul, O my soul!
What wondrous love is this, O my soul!
What wondrous love is this that caused the Lord of bliss
To bear the dreadful curse for my soul, for my soul,
To bear the dreadful curse for my soul.
When I was sinking down, sinking down, sinking down,
When I was sinking down, sinking down,
When I was sinking down beneath God’s righteous frown,
Christ laid aside His crown for my soul, for my soul,
Christ laid aside His crown for my soul.
To God and to the Lamb, I will sing, I will sing;
To God and to the Lamb, I will sing.
To God and to the Lamb Who is the great “I Am”;
While millions join the theme, I will sing, I will sing;
While millions join the theme, I will sing.
And when from death I’m free, I’ll sing on, I’ll sing on;
And when from death I’m free, I’ll sing on.
And when from death I’m free, I’ll sing and joyful be;
And through eternity, I’ll sing on, I’ll sing on;
And through eternity, I’ll sing on.”
William Walker
Clinging to the Unchangeable One
I was recently reminded while reading “Morning Thoughts” by Octavius Winslow of the immutability of God’s promises. As my due date approaches and with it numerous changes, it’s easy to become overwhelmed and fearful of what the future holds. What consolation I find in my heavenly Father who isn’t subject to change. It’s so comforting to cling to the one who’s love and faithfulness go on no matter what. Here’s how Octavius puts it:
“Mutability marks everything outside of God. Look into the church, into the world, into our families, into ourselves; what innumerable changes do we see on every hand! A week, one short day, what alterations does it produce! Yet, in the midst of it all, how good it is to repose calmly on the unchangeableness, the faithfulness of God; to know that no alterations of time, no earthly changes, affect His faithfulness to His people; and more than this: no changes in them, no unfaithfulness of theirs, causes the slightest change in God.”
James 1:16-18 “Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers. Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created.”
Contentment = Heaven on Earth
Keith and I are continuing to read “The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment” by Jeremiah Burroughs. There’s so much to “chew on” that I think I could just keep reading this book over and over and continue to glean truth for my soul.
I recently read a section on contentment which likened a contented heart to Heaven. My desire is to live a contented life and thus a restful, joyful one that is satisfied in Him alone…I have a ways to go!!
“Thus you see that contentment brings comfort to a man’s life, fills it full of comfort in this world; the truth is, it is even a Heaven on earth. What is heaven, but the rest and quiet of a man’s spirit; that is the special thing that makes the life of Heaven, there is rest and joy, and satisfaction in God. So it is in a contented spirit: there is rest and joy and satisfaction in God. In Heaven there is singing praises to God; a contented heart is always praising and blessing God. You have Heaven while on earth when you have a contented spirit…”
Myopic and Discontent
Lately I’ve been convicted that much of my sin occurs when I’m living with a myopic perspective. I’ve found myself frustrated lately because my body is too weak to get certain projects done that I would like to accomplish (the weakness isn’t new but I’ve been much more prone to discontentment). I am constantly realizing how quickly I can lose an eternal perspective and focus on myself. As a follower of Christ I am called to live a joyful contented life and Christ has given me everything I need for this in providing me with the Salvation of my soul.
I need you Lord to constantly help me to step back and find my contentment and joy in your love and grace! Please help me to delight greatly in you at all times.
Isaiah 61:10 “I delight greatly in the LORD; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.”
One Year Closer to Your Eternal Destiny
I have been reflecting on two things lately.
1. There are times in life when our emotions don’t follow our hearts. Although my heart is at peace in the Gospel I’ve been tossed and turned quite a bit recently by changing emotions and feelings. I think for me right now these are caused by pregnancy but I’m sure I’ll experience many different seasons throughout my life when my feelings confuse me. This has made me long even more for my eternal home where my emotions will be all joy and love for my Heavenly Father and those around me – no matter what the day or hour.
2. At the close of 2008 I am overjoyed to be 1 year closer to my eternal home. I’ve been reading more sermons by Jonathan Edwards that have served as reminders that my present home, earth, is a transient place. Every one of us is bound for an eternal home – eternal destruction apart from Christ or eternal life available in Christ.
“The home to which we aspire and for which we pant is not only a promised, it is also a perfect and permanent home. The mixed character of those seasons we now call repose, and the shifting places and changing dwellings we call home, should perpetually remind us that we are not, as yet, come to the perfect rest and the permanent home of heaven. God is the believer’s present home and Jesus his present rest. Beneath the shadow of the cross, by the side of the mercy seat, within the pavilion of a Father’s love, there is true mental repose, real heart’s ease, and a peace that passeth all understanding, to be found even here where all things else are fleeting as a cloud and unsubstantial as a dream…It is enough that I am journeying toward the heaven that is my rest, and that I am one year nearer its blessed and endless enjoyment.” Octavious Winslow (1808 – 1878)
I praise you Father for your grace and mercy that allows sinners like me to find security in your love and eternal plan!!
A picture of our little gift…
Baby Girl Goad
I’m finally getting around to posting this picture from my ultrasound. Our daughter kept moving so much that most of the pictures turned out blurry. I think she’s going to be a thumb-sucker because in a couple of the pictures she was either sucking her thumb or had her hand next to her mouth.
It’s a….
GIRL!! Keith and I found out on Monday that the little one growing inside of me is a girl! We are truly blessed and pray for her daily.
Are you eating wind to satisfy your hunger?
Once again I’ve been humbled and challenged by the words of Jeremiah Burroughs. If I lived every moment in captured by this truth my heart would be saved a lot of heartache and confusion. In what ways are you “eating wind”?
“My brethren, the reason why you have not got contentment in the things of the world is not because you have not got enough of them–that is not the reason–but the reason is, because they are not things proportionable to that immortal soul of yours that is capable of God himself. Many men think that when they are troubled and have not got contentment it is because they have but a little in the world, and that if they had more then they should be content. That is just as if a man were hungry, and to satisfy his craving stomach he should gape and hold open his mouth to take in the wind, and then should think that the reason why he is not satisfied is because he has not got enough of the wind; no, the reason is because the thing is not suitable to a craving stomach.”
“Strength From Another”
I’ve been reading Jeremiah Burroughs‘ book “The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment” and have definitely found it to be a jewel! I was recently reminded of one of the awesome privileges of the Christian life as he talked about how Christians are given strength from outside of themselves for every circumstance/trial. Here’s part of the quote that encouraged me and reminded me of the source of my strength.
“But a Christian finds satisfaction in every circumstance by getting strength from another, by going out of himself to Jesus Christ, by his faith acting upon Christ, and bringing the strength of Jesus Christ into his own soul, he is thereby enabled to bear whatever God lays on him, by the strength that he finds from Jesus Christ.”
Isaiah 12:2 “Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The LORD, the LORD, is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation.”
Isaiah 40: 28-29 “Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.”
Baby Update:
Keith and I are getting even more excited as the reality of our coming child becomes more real. I am feeling much less nauseous and overall better than earlier in my pregnancy – I even went grocery shopping for the first time in months yesterday!
Pointing Myself To Christ
Recently the burdens I’ve been called to bare have felt extremely heavy. At times I am tempted to doubt God’s promises and wonder if they are too heavy for me. Because of the Lord’s grace and promises I know they are not. I do not write this blog because I’ve somehow figured out how to persevere under trial. I write this blog to remind myself (and hopefully others) of the strength and assurance everyone is offered through Jesus Christ.
In the darkest parts of this valley I often find myself re-reading past posts and it soothes my soul as I remember how the Lord has carried me. I do pray that somehow the Lord will use my journey to point others to Himself but also know that if I’m the only reader it’s helping me to press on.
Psalm 9:9-10 “The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.”
“Consider him who endured…so that you will not grow weary”
In the midst of a difficult trial I often find that I tend to focus on myself, analyzing the situation thoroughly and repeatedly going over the events in my mind. I have found myself doing this recently as my younger brother Andrew and his wife Laura (and consequently my family) are walking through a dark valley of confusion and hardship. Of course as his sister this trial has caused me much heart ache and it’s been hard to focus on anything else but the pain. Although focusing on these things is ok, I was reminded today through God’s word that if I am to persevere and keep going I must lift my eyes and fix them on something else, Jesus.
2 passages of Scripture helped readjust my focus today. The first, James 1:12, says “Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.” In my grief I find that shifting my primary focus to the promises the Lord has for me leads my soul to much needed rest and peace.
The 2nd passage motivated me by reminding me that Christ is the ultimate example of perseverance – what better person to focus on? Christ saw doing His father’s will (bringing hope to a hopeless world by dying on a cross) as “the joy set before him” and persevered to the end – despite his torturous circumstances.
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” Hebrews 12:1-3
Although these verses don’t take away the pain and the tears completely, they give my heart peace, hope and assurance that there is an end to suffering and that the Lord endured much more than myself in order to ensure this promised end!
Suffering and Death: A Gateway To Unending Joy!
A couple of months ago I finished the book “Heaven” by Randy Alcorn. If you haven’t read this treasure I would definitely recommend it. There are some repetitive parts but overall it has blessed my soul and changed my life on this earth forever. Here’s a quote from the book that, even when you are surrounded on all sides by suffering/death and there’s no end in sight, any Christian can cling to and remember this is only a gateway.
“Anticipating Heaven doesn’t eliminate pain, but it lessens it and puts it in perspective. Meditating on Heaven is a great pain reliever. It reminds us that suffering and death are temporary conditions. Our existence will not end in suffering and death–they are but a gateway to our eternal life of unending joy. The biblical doctrine of Heaven is about the future, but it has tremendous benefits here and now. If we grasp it, it will shift our center of gravity and radically change our perspective on life.” Randy Alcorn
Pregnancy and My Savior
I recently found out that I’m pregnant! Keith and I are rejoicing in this miracle and gift from the Lord. Although we are full of excitement I’ve definitely felt like it’s often been squelched as I’ve battled numerous migraines, intense nausea and even more fatigue than normal.
Yesterday, once again, I experienced the overwhelming sufficiency of God’s word to meet all of my needs. I have been reading through the Gospel of John and in the passage I read yesterday Jesus was addressing His disciples concerning His upcoming crucifixion and future return.
““I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy. A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy.” (John 16:20-22)
Not only was this a much needed reminder that the extra symptoms I’m experiencing are temporary and that they will be overshadowed by the joy we will experience when our little one arrives, but that my joy will be made complete when my Savoir Jesus returns to take me to heaven.
Whatever you are battling with, remember – this is temporary. Now is your time of grief but if you are a follower of Jesus Christ He is coming again to save you and no one will be able to take away your joy!
Chronic Fatigue + Desire For Organization = Sanctification
I have a burning desire to be organized. Unfortunately my body doesn’t cooperate and I do well to accomplish the basics (laundry, cooking dinner and maybe a clean bathroom every few weeks). Lately I’ve let this frustration take hold of me all too often. I sinfully allow my desire for order in my home to become an idol and find myself anxiety ridden and frustrated even though I don’t have the energy to accomplish more than I’m doing. Lord, help me to be controlled by your desires and not my own and to find contentment in you.
Today I am taking comfort in the words of this hymn by Frances Havergal – thank you Lord for your perfect peace!
Like a River Glorious
“Like a river glorious is God’s perfect peace, over all victorious in its bright increase: perfect, yet it floweth fuller every day, perfect, yet it groweth deeper all the way.
Hidden in the hollow of his blessed hand, never foe can follow, never traitor stand; not a surge of worry, not a shade of care, not a blast of hurry touch the spirit there.
Every joy or trial falleth from above, traced upon our dial by the Sun of Love; we may trust him fully all for us to do; they who trust him wholly find him wholly true.
Stayed upon Jehovah, hearts are fully blessed, finding as he promised, perfect peace and rest.”
The Beauty of Complete Fulfillment
This quote by Mark Buchanon makes my heart happy! Oh to know the feeling of complete rest and the satisfaction of my soul! Come Lord Jesus, Come quickly!
“Why won’t we be bored in heaven? Because it’s the one place where both impulses–to go beyond, to go home–are perfectly joined and totally satisfied. It’s the one place where we’re constantly discovering–where everything is always fresh and the possessing of a thing is as good as the pursuing of it–and yet where we are fully at home–where everything is as it ought to be and where we find, undiminished, that mysterious something we never found down here….And this lifelong melancholy that hangs on us, this wishing we were someone else somewhere else, vanishes too. Our craving to go beyond is always and fully realized. Our yearning for home is once and for all fulfilled. The Ahh! of deep satisfaction and the aha! of delighted surprise meet, and they kiss.”
